Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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