Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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