he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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