im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
