Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
