meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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