It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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