i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
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This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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