The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
