i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf