and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
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Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat