Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.