let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
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he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
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Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.