took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders