I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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