I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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