In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
