I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
