my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
