what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
