He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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