I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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