lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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