I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
