My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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