Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
