a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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