I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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