Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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