oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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