I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
God, you're like boner-b-gone
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
