PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
