its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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