I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
