Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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