bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
