sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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