some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
