I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
