Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
