She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
