i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
