he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
