I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
