sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
