Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
