He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
