the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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