After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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