I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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