Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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