the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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