I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
