You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
