Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
