Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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