No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize