I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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