im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
