that's an acceptable place to lick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
