we have officially lost it.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
