its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
