Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
