you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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