masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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