DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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