Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
