I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
