Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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