I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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