I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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