It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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