I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
