Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
