I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
