similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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